Well, for better or worse, I've officially stopped breastfeeding this week. Miles is just shy of 10 months and he seems to have weaned himself right off of the boob. I tried a couple of times this week offering him some, but he really wasn't interested for longer than a few seconds. Perhaps that's because I discovered (after a frustrating pumping session with the pump I've borrowed and seem to have broken - it works some of the time) that only a few measly drops of milk is left in those tired sacs of nothingness that used to be my lovely breasts . . .oh, the lament over what was. . .and what will never be again.
I have a memory of being in my mom's bathroom/closet with her as a teenager while she was getting dressed. I remember looking at her saggy boobs and thinking, wow, mom didn't get very nice boobs, glad I didn't suffer that fate! . . .ohhhhh boy, you just wait missy . . .the poor woman had had 5 kids. count 'em, 5! Can you imagine having 5 freakin' kids? I just don't have the moral fiber, the fortitude to pull that off. Apparently, she did.
Anyway, I digress - back to the boob topic. Okay, so she had saggy breasts, well, now, so do I. Not such a big surprise really when you witness the gymnastic moves Miles made with my nipple in his mouth, or the constant pulling and stretching that occurred. I tried to have a sit-me-down with him about it, but the message just didn't get through. He was all over the place while feeding.
I have to admit, I'm a little sad about not having that ultra closeness with Miles now. And then again, I'm also feeling glad to be done with it. For one thing, I now get to start using that toxic anti-wrinkle cream that I bought long ago only to find out that you're not supposed to use it while breastfeeding . . .makes you wonder, doesn't it? And another thing is that I enjoy the space of not having to be responsible for Miles' sustenance. I do have a small irresponsibility streak left in me (altho totally suppressed at this stage of the parenting game) and finishing up the breastfeeding marks a small victory for that streak. Kind of makes me want to go on a crazy cosmo, shopping, dancing rampage . . .like I've just gotten back a tiny speck of my L.B.K.s (life-before-kids).
Miles doesn't seem the worse for wear . . .seems as happy as ever . . .so the mom-guilt needle is still in the green zone . . .for now.