2 be or not to be 3, that is the question

The current kid situation around our house is that we have Emma, 5, living with us 1/2 of the time and Miles, 10 months. We've been pondering whether or not to have a third child, and it's not an easy decision to make. On the one hand I'd really love for Miles to have a constant companion at home and I can already see the sadness on his face when he waves bye-bye to his big sister at dad's house. But, on the other hand, a third child means a LOT more work for me. AND N has taken a new job that requires a lot more travel and he will probably continue to have jobs with lots of travel in the future (just the nature of the biz he's in). So, what to do? There are so many great things about having a big family with lots of kids around - lots of action constantly, always someone to play with, lots of friends around eventually, warmth, joy and fun. But, am I up to the task? I really wonder this - am I cut out for raising so many kids?? I wonder. I love being a parent, I really do, but I also want to do other things too. I want alone time with my husband every now and again and I want alone time for myself. Actually, I don't want it, I need it. And I need outside stimulation too - a job of some sort to keep my brain active.
I think the ideal situation for me would be to go ahead and have the third child, but to do it with some help from a nanny. I offered this idea up to N who was initially put off by the idea - and then very annoyingly brought up examples of women who stay home with their 3 kids without help. Fine! Let them! I'm not up to it though - that's not how I want things to turn out. It doesn't feel right for me. Mimi ain't rollin' that way . ..
Anyway, he eventually came around to accepting that we could use the help. In fact, the whole conversation turned out quite well because it resulted in us hiring a housecleaner. Just like that, viola! Love it! So excited! (this is another thing he was not crazy about initially ....).
Okay, so we're all on board for some help from a nanny . . .but I'm still a little apprehensive . . .it probably has something to do with going through pregnancy all over again. Arrrggh. Not my idea of a good time. The nausea, the tiredness, the aches and pains. And I'm not getting any younger over here . . .each pregnancy is probably a little harder as we age (right, tell that to that 60 year old who just had a baby!).
Anyway, I really want to get some feedback from those who have 3 kids and how they managed from 2 to 3 and what the change was like. I think I'll have to go out and get that feedback out in blog-o-land . . .

Pink eye

Miles' pink eye is back . . .must be because his antibiotics are over and the infection was able to multiply again. Already wishing I still had milk in my boobs to take care of it. Bummer. We have medicine for it, but the breast milk seemed to work so well and fast AND he didn't cry when I put it in as opposed to the medicine that makes him wail. Poor guy. He woke up last night screaming bloody murder at 1:45 and was up for an hour. There's something going on that's hurting him because it was an "I'm in pain!" cry. Poor thing, wish he could talk and tell me what's bothering him.
Could be those teeth finally making an appearance? Right . . .I am continually getting a hard time from N about thinking Miles is teething. So I thought it was starting when he was 4 months and there's still no teeth - ok, so I was wrong about 50-million times. but this time. . .I could be right . ..

Wave bye-bye to the boobies

Well, for better or worse, I've officially stopped breastfeeding this week. Miles is just shy of 10 months and he seems to have weaned himself right off of the boob. I tried a couple of times this week offering him some, but he really wasn't interested for longer than a few seconds. Perhaps that's because I discovered (after a frustrating pumping session with the pump I've borrowed and seem to have broken - it works some of the time) that only a few measly drops of milk is left in those tired sacs of nothingness that used to be my lovely breasts . . .oh, the lament over what was. . .and what will never be again.
I have a memory of being in my mom's bathroom/closet with her as a teenager while she was getting dressed. I remember looking at her saggy boobs and thinking, wow, mom didn't get very nice boobs, glad I didn't suffer that fate! . . .ohhhhh boy, you just wait missy . . .the poor woman had had 5 kids. count 'em, 5! Can you imagine having 5 freakin' kids? I just don't have the moral fiber, the fortitude to pull that off. Apparently, she did.
Anyway, I digress - back to the boob topic. Okay, so she had saggy breasts, well, now, so do I. Not such a big surprise really when you witness the gymnastic moves Miles made with my nipple in his mouth, or the constant pulling and stretching that occurred. I tried to have a sit-me-down with him about it, but the message just didn't get through. He was all over the place while feeding.
I have to admit, I'm a little sad about not having that ultra closeness with Miles now. And then again, I'm also feeling glad to be done with it. For one thing, I now get to start using that toxic anti-wrinkle cream that I bought long ago only to find out that you're not supposed to use it while breastfeeding . . .makes you wonder, doesn't it? And another thing is that I enjoy the space of not having to be responsible for Miles' sustenance. I do have a small irresponsibility streak left in me (altho totally suppressed at this stage of the parenting game) and finishing up the breastfeeding marks a small victory for that streak. Kind of makes me want to go on a crazy cosmo, shopping, dancing rampage . . .like I've just gotten back a tiny speck of my L.B.K.s (life-before-kids).
Miles doesn't seem the worse for wear . . .seems as happy as ever . . .so the mom-guilt needle is still in the green zone . . .for now.

When they offer to help you take your groceries out to your car, take it

You know, I don't know why I always used to decline this simple service. They would offer, "would you like help out to your car today (with this massive pile of groceries)" and I would gallantly say, "oh, no thanks, I've got it! (with two kids in tow . . .)" What was I thinking? Perhaps I didn't want to endure the awkward silence between myself and the bagger, or worse yet, suffer the idle chit-chat about the weather - sometimes I'm just not in the mood for chit-chat. But you know what? It's all worth it! Take the help! It is so much easier to have the help because 1) you get to put your kids in their car seats while they're loading your groceries into the back and 2) they take the cart away for you so you don't have to juggle leaving your kids in the car without you (or dragging them back to the least conspicuous spot to abandon the cart). Hello, what was I thinking? Duhhhh. I'm now thinking of all the meaningless things I can talk about on my next shopping trip . . .

When my husband is away I eat like a college student

Why is that? When Neil is here I'm making breakfast, lunch and dinner sometimes (or combinations of at least 2 of those) - and gladly - I like cooking. I like thinking of making things, I don't even mind shopping . . .but as soon as he walks out that door - it all ceases. Here's what I ate today:
breakfast: Pria bar on the way to Miles' music class, then coffee afterwards.
lunch: banana, then healthfood version of pop tarts, salad (in that order)
dinner: cheese and crackers at 9 pm.

Now that he's traveling all the time for his new job I'll probably gain the freshman 15, start breaking out and generally look like crap. oh well.
that reminds me...his plane is landing any minute so I better get in the shower so I look like I've had one since he left 3 days ago . . . I have to say that I am excited to see him - I think this traveling thing is going to be good for our marriage to some extent.

Aarrrggghhh

Hating life today . . .a touch of the stomach flu or some such thing. Hubby has flown the coop to start that new job - whatever - so it's me and Mr. Miles solo. I was just tap-tap-tapping my foot waiting for him to get tired enough to go to sleep tonight so I could curl up in my bed and moan. Luckily, he was down at 7:15 as per usual and I'm left alone to lick my wounds. Hoping tomorrow is a better day . . .

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Oooooh, gross!

Okay, let me just say that sometimes being a parent tests your limits of what you can handle - big time. Tonight I experienced a totally nasty kid moment . . .and it goes like this: Emma was taking a bath getting ready to go to her dad's house and Miles started throwing a hissy-fit about getting in with her. He loves to take baths so I thought, what the hell, I'll let him get in with her and just deal with the fact that I'm going to have to hold on to his slippery little body for dear life the entire time - no stress there. An-nee-way, he gets in, proceeds to splash all over the place and gets me all wet - oh what fun I'm having! Once Emma was all shampooed, etc I pulled the little splash machine out of the water and dried him off. I put him down in his room with Emma to play a bit while I got his pjs out of the laundry room. When I came back the little devil had crawled buck naked all the way down the hall to Emma's room (following her of course). So I walked down the hall towards the room. When I opened the door, what did I find? None other than a disgusting pool of diarrhea on her lovely butterfly rug - eeewwww! Oh why, oh why did that have to happen? Not only was that yucky pool of gunk on Emma's cute butterfly rug but it was also strewn across the floor where my little olympic crawler had recently been. Oh stop. This has got to be a bad dream. This required immediate and quick action. Back for bath #2 and then diapered that butt pronto! I had to close Emma's door because he kept trying to go back in there and play. I put him in his room with Emma to play which of course made him scream. So he's screaming and I'm cleaning up crap on my hands and knees.
I know there's a reason I had kids somewhere . . .anyone? anyone?

Last sublime day in Big Sur

Well, it had to end sometime, this neverending vacation for N. Luckily the weather was perfect yesterday so we loaded up the kids and drove to Big Sur for a hike. It was so beautiful there, the sun was shining and the flowers were just starting to bloom. Emma did a great job of hiking and Miles was co-pilot in the pack.
Of course hiking with kids can't really be called hiking it's more like walk a bit, stop to make wardrobe change, walk a bit, feed someone, walk a bit, get stickers out of shoe, walk a bit, pick flowers. .. etc. It's a different experience entirely and I wouldn't miss it.
These pictures were taken after Emma and I fumbled the camera and it dropped right on its lens - ooops. It was a little cockeyed for a minute but I managed to fix it and voila! it was working again. Good thing too b/c N was right there watching the whole thing shaking his head. . .so I tend to trust Emma with breakables . ..what can I say?

And then, the perfect weekend

Here we are in the final hours of Neil's freedom as a non-working stiff, so to celebrate our last unharried time together, we spent a night in San Francisco this past weekend. I can't tell you how excited I was when Neil's mom called to offer to watch Miles overnight so that we could get away - oh.my.god., Mimi just might see the light of day after all. I was salivating during the call and immediately began planning after I hung up . . .oh yes, indeed, we would be taking grandma up on her offer (Emma was at her dad's for the weekend). We left Saturday afternoon, saw snow on the summit of hwy 17 (a rarity in these parts) and dropped the wee one off at Neil's parent's house in SJ. We arrived in SF around 5ish, checked in and headed out to get hubby a couple of new suits and ties. After that, I was famished - Mimi needed a cocktail to refuel. Off to the Startlight Room for a lovely cosmo and view. Now that's a cosmo, Mimi was very pleased, Cointreau, standard, no need to ask. But where to have dinner? This is not the easiest question to answer when you're in San Fransisco, home of what I consider the best food available anywhere, and you've only got ONE night to get it right - decisions, decisions! So we started walking around trying to find some obscure little alleyway that N had been to during Bastille Day years ago (undoubtedly not with all of his wits about him) . .. ah-hem, where did you say that was?? Okay, we're clearly not finding the place, it's getting on to 10 pm here . . .we're hungry as all get out so let's bag it and head to North Beach where wer'e gauranteed to find something open and good. Solved. Found a romantic little place, got the window seat, candles, yummy food and all was well. But that was it for these parents of two . . .had to head back to the sanctuary of bed at that point - we are over 35 afterall. Mimi has her limits.
Let's talk about how nice it was to SLEEP IN. Oh my, now that was nice. Even though we didn't sleep in that late - it was just having the option to do so that was so delicious. We eventually got ourselves up and out the door and had breakie at the Squat and Gobble which was totally yummy. Then N suggested that we see the new de Young. in Golden Gate park.
It was amazing - it reminds me of something out of Planet of the Apes - an oxidized iron beamouth shooting out of the ground. The place is huge inside and we took a trip up to the tower to take in the view of SF which was very dramatic. After that, we were pooped. Time to head to Palo Alto for our weekly soccer games and then back to pick up the wee one from Grandma and Granpas.
What a weekend! So great to get out and have some time to ourselves and see the peeps. I think I just added 5 years to my life, no joke. AND I scored a goal in my game - a cherry on the top of my already perfect weekend . . .mimi was very pleased.

Emma's tower and garden party

The other day I thought I heard the pitter-patter of little feet in the kitchen, then a quiet opening of the pantry door and then silence again . . .hmmm, what was that all about I wondered? About a half hour later, I had one excited daughter on my hands - "come see what I made mommy!" Wow, I was really surprised - you just never know what your kids are going to come up with. Emma had taken all of our plastic cups (leftover from some long forgotten summer party) and stacked them like a little fortress around her laundry basket with all of her stuffed animals on it. Not typical behavior from her - interesting and random.
Later that day we got out and enjoyed the sunshine and did a little gardening. Emma, the ever fashionable gardner, was in charge of dropping the seeds into the holes. These would be the seeds that are now frozen over in this rare freezing storm that has brought snow to the nearby mountains. Oh well, we'll just repeat.

2 three-hour naps and 2 lattes later . . .she lives

Morning came much, much too soon today . . .it's my fault partly, and partly the doing of my little sidekick to the left, Miles. I stayed up too late (occupational hazzard as a mom of two) and then was rocked out of bed at 3:30 am by Mr. M with crying - no, make that yelling. If only he could talk - "get in here biatch, I want to play!" What's the deal with that?? It's 3:30 am, I mean, come on. Okay, so you have an ear infection - but the antibiotics should be kicking in by now and you havne't even complained once about that pain as of yet. An-nee-way, I stumbled into his room and found him standing in his crib (it's all about being a bi-ped these days) with a jinormous smile on his face - victory, it seems, was his. He knew he had won. So I picked him up and took him downstairs for a little bottle and Tylenol nightcap. He was fired up was all set to play the suck-on-mommy's-face-until-she-laughs game. Really is cute, hard to be upset when they act so darned cute. Good thing babies are so cute, lest they end up on the front porch to work it out themselves . . .
so, I finally get him back to sleep an hour and a half later only to woken up by him again not 3 hours later. . .oi vey. Play time again mommy! Big smiles. Okay, here we go again. Hubby would have kicked in for sure, but today he started his new job and he was on the phone when the little devil awoke again. Can't really ask him to end his conference call on account of his baby crying . . .wouldn't really do - although don't think it didn't cross my mind.
Tried to nap later, but no use - might as well just give in to the madness and start drinking coffee. How I loooove coffee, oh yes indeed. 2 cafe lattes later and starting to feel human again. Miles is, of course, napping like the baby he is . . .refueling for the next play session! Keep the lattes rolling . . .