Friday, March 24, 2006

Question still rattling around in my head . . .

A little while back I wrote a post about the debate I was having with myself (and my husband, of course) over whether or not have a third child. Well, just when I think I have this all sorted out in my head, I find myself changing my mind again. So internet, please go through this argument with me and give me some needed feedback . .. I'm curious about the decisions that other people have made regarding this question and how you came to that decision. I read this and this found them hilarious and a bit scary - and would love to hear more stories.
So I'll start with where we, as a family are now . . .
The situation:
We now have Emma, who is 5, living with us only 1/2 of the time because I share custody of her with my X (and it is for this reason that I even debate about having a third child). Then there's Miles, who is now almost 11 months and is a pretty easy (is there such a thing?!) baby. Normally I would be quite satisfied and feel complete with 2 kids - but the fact is, I only have Emma with me 1/2 time and this means Miles is alone for 1/2 the time and always will be. I worry that he will miss having a sibling around all the time and will get lonely. I realize that there are many, many only children out there and that they are happy, well adjusted kids who have friends that help them from feeling loney - BUT, Miles will be in this limbo situation where some of the time he has his sister there and the other part of the time, he doesn't - and I feel like he will be missing out on a close sibling relationship because of this.
There are so many things to consider . ..and it's probably best just to lay out the pros and cons to make sense of them, so here I go:
Pro's:

  • Miles will have a playmate and someone closer to his age around all the time (because if we're going to do this, let's get this show on the road soon).
  • I guess on some level I'll feel less guilty about depriving him of a full family experience
  • having another sweet little person around to be part of our family
  • Uhhhmmm, hmmmm, uhhhhmmmm, shit, I think I've already run out of pros. Might be answering my question for myself . ..

Cons:

  • A LOT more work for me with 3 kids to take care of
  • being PREGNANT again - gahhh, just the thought makes me want to cry
  • going through all of the baby stages again - while definitely unbeleivably cute and sweet, I'm over having to constantly worry about how my little man is trying to destroy himself.
  • LESS sleep
  • more work, oh yeah, I think I already said that.
  • Less time with my husband
  • Harder to travel
  • Longer to wait until: freeeeeedom.
  • less attention for each kid - mommy gets diluted

So those are them, I've probably forgotten a few because I'm tired and drank some dark beer tonight. What have I forgotten? I guess the main thing is that I feel totally compelled to have this 3rd child, as if I don't have a say in the matter - I know that sounds like I'm a loon - and maybe I am - but I have this weird feeling that I'm just supposed to have this third kid - but then the other part of me says, wait a minute - another one? Are you kidding me? Are you stupid? Things are going well now, you have two wonderful kids, there's enough of you to go around and that could change with another one in the mix.

Is there anyone out there who had 2 kids and then did or didn't go for the third for whatever reason and has a comment to make - or know someone who was in this position? I feel like I want to look into this more before making my final, final decision. Once the final decision is made I'm hoping my husband will go that little snip-snip procedure so we can start enjoying some hormone-free birth control. What a fabulous day that will be! Party. on.

1 comment:

Sandra said...

Hi Mimi,
Wonderful to catch up with you through your blog......I am procrastinating doing my work by reading it, but I felt compelled to put my two cents in here......not really to add anything that will help you answer that question, but perhaps to add a bit more confusion or questions to the list! Anyway, in reading this entry about whether or not to have a third child it occurs to me that you are mainly focusing on the effects on Miles. While I do think that is truly important, I think it is equally important to consider the pros and cons of effects on Emma. Is she then the "odd man out"? because the rest of you wil have this complete family and where does that leave her? Anyway, just something else to consider in the big picture. I think that regardless of which way you decide, you will have a complete family because family is what you make it. It does not mean everyone has to always be around ...... it just means everyone always has to be loved. Matthew, my stepson is a good example......we were not able to get custody of him when we got custody of my 2 step daughters....his sisters. This meant much of his time was spent apart from them. However, they are adults now and he has an extremely strong bond and wonderful relationship with his oldest sister. So, those bonds are still possible between Miles and Emma despite the 1/2 time situation. Good luck with your decision......it may already be made for all I know.......and happy belated birthday....I was in Egypt on your birthday this year. Big hugs.